Child

Child was my study-mate, a literal translation of what she was assigned to me in my first year of college. And I’m just using Child as a pseudonym in the story, although it does bear some significance and hint toward her identity.

Child was someone completely new in my life, that she came from a different part of the country for college; she went to a different college; she was not nearly studying in a similar major; she was different. Like I mentioned, Child was assigned to be my study-mate in college, but I think I need to explain the concept of study-mate a little bit before proceeding with the rest of the story.

Study-mate is a thing where two groups of students from different universities or high schools are assigned a study-mate from another group, typically a boy group and a girl group. One does not necessarily need to become very good friends with his or her study-mate, but having a study-mate does allow one to expand one’s friendship circle, beyond the people you would normally meet. There are quite a lot of tricks and politics of study-mate assignment, as everyone wants to get assigned to the prettiest girl or the most handsome guy on the other group, so being the PR person for arranging study-mates is usually a hot position in the system.

I was not exactly into the whole study-mate thing, and I was not expecting much of it. At some point into my first semester in college as a freshman, I learned that my study-mate turned out to be the PR person from the Japanese language department of another university, which was not exactly exciting to me, since I’m not a talkative person to begin with. The thought of having to spend time with a PR girl really turned me off, so I believe I postponed meeting my study-mate, Child, for as long as possible.

At that time as a freshman, I kind of had a girlfriend, and she’s the subject of another story so, again, I’ll just refer to her as my girlfriend in this Child story. The reason I said kind of was because I did not really do anything with my girlfriend publicly; rather, it was going on secretly and did not last long, and perhaps I felt a little bit ashamed to be seen with her. Anyways, since my girlfriend is not the main subject of this story, I would not elaborate more than that for now.

Child was a very suitable PR material. She was charming, bright, tall, slender, outspoken, fun, with all the right features to make a great PR person. And I was almost the complete opposite. Therefore, in the beginning, I did not recall having a blast when meeting Child, but more of a duty to keep up as a study-mate. Nevertheless, as I got to know Child a bit more, she was really a fun person to spend time with, but I did not fancy her romantically.

To really explain how I started with Child, I need to talk about another girl. This other girl, Shing, was my classmates in my third and fourth grades in elementary school. Shing always had a crush on me when we were little, but I never had any interest in her. We were both just little kids anyways. It turned out that Shing attended the same university as I did, and thus we got connected in my freshman year. Towards the end of that freshman year at summer time, I started to see and talk to Shing a bit more and developed a little bit of feelings for her. There was once that I invited her to my place (without my parents around, of course), and we made out on my bed and it was pretty heated. We did not advance too much, but I can still remember she said she was embarrassed because she was flat-chested. I don’t think she knew I liked big boobs, but it was funny when she said that.

Shing and I were not exactly in a relationship, but I took advantage of her childhood fantasy towards me to lure her into me. We did have some fun in that summer, until a random and surprise trip plan threw things off.

Someday during the summer, Child told me that she was going to take a trip alone to the southernmost part of the country and asked if I would like to join her. Child and I had discussed how we would sleep separately and go out individually, but only arrive and leave together, so we can keep an eye on each other. I thought that would a cool trip to take, and I got to explore the southernmost part of the country like I never did before, so I agreed.

The moment I told Shing about the trip, she freaked out and asked me not to go. I thought she overreacted, since I had no feelings toward Child at that moment and thought nothing would really happen since we were going to do things separately, and not really taking the trip together. So I still continued with the plan, despite the cries and the begging from Shing. I was such a cold person.

The trip was 3 or 4 days, where I took train down to the closest big city and met up with Child, then we shared a taxi towards the southernmost part of the country and began our journey. We did not really stick to our plans to do all the sightseeings separately, though, since Child was such a fun person to spend time with. We talked and talked and visited places and ate, as friends. The first night was nothing memorable, as we stuck to the plan to respect each other’s spaces even though we shared a room.

The next day was a similar story, where we went out and had fun, and it was really fun, since it was the first time ever that I got to stay overnight alone with a girl on a trip. It was basically 24/7 of fun together with Child, and I developed some feelings for her on such a short trip.

On our last night before heading back to normal life, neither of us could really sleep. We talked and talked and talked, until the wee hours of the night, that we were so tired and we just laid on the bed and held hands. That’s how Child and I began our relationship. We made a pack to not tell anyone, as no friend of ours knew that we went on a trip, and none would think we would fit as a couple, plus the bizarre way of starting a relationship would be hard to explain to anyone.

Child and I kept out relationship this way for quite a while. Dating secretly was not exactly a difficult thing to do, since we went to different universities, so we would meet after school late in the evening avoiding the eyes of people we knew.

One memorable event that happened was toward the end of my freshman year, where my friends and I assembled a band to perform in the department night, where kids from various years of the department participate in various performances, e.g., dances, stand-up comedies, band, singing, etc., every year to showcase the extracurricular abilities of the students in our department. I was the lead singer of the band, since I did not have any real instrumental skills. On the night of the performance, of course Child was there sitting in the audience, since she was pretty much required to attend, being the PR person, to show support for the event. At that time, Child and I were deeply in love with each other, and I could not help but plug a line that was not planned into the speech just before the last song, and I said “This last song, is dedicated to those who love children.” This line obviously has no place in a performance in a college event, and I would think that most people were just confused about what I was saying. Nevertheless, it was something that I have done most brazenly in public for Child, and thus worth noting down.

Child and I had a somewhat difficult relationship, partly due to our personality differences, and partly due to her and my family. Let me start with my family first.

With more and more time Child and I stayed together, after my freshman and sophomore years in college, we both thought it was time to introduce her to my family. Child was a very family-oriented person, often talking about her family as well as making her own family, and it was important to her that my family would accept her as my girlfriend. So we tried. I invited Child to my house for meals; I invited Child to go on trips with my family, multiple times. However, things did not really work out the way we hoped, and both my dad and my stepmom did not like Child a lot. Perhaps they knew my personality way better than myself to know that Child and I would have a tough time together if we were to get married; or perhaps they just did not like her, but I could not figure out why. Therefore, Child’s interaction with my family really was kept to minimal, that it did not feel like she’s part of my family.

On to Child’s family. Child has a smaller family of four, her dad, mom and her younger brother, who was somewhat childish at the time. Child’s family lived in a different part of the country, so we had to really arrange things to visit her family. All in all, I have only visited her family a handful of times, mostly without my family knowing. I have taken flights early in the morning and back in the evening to spend the day with her family. Her family was much more acceptive to me, than my family to Child, and her family really thought I was the one for her and they treated me like that.

A tragic event happened while Child and I were dating, that her father was ill due to cancer and later passed away. Child was very close to her father and was greatly impacted by that. I still remember seeing her father before he passed away, he asked me to take good care of her beloved daughter, to which I replied yes. I did not end up taking good care of Child, and must have broken her heart after I left the country for grad school and all that nonsense I described in the Minnow story. I’m truly sorry, Mr. Child’s father.

Child and I were physically separated in different cities in those last few years in our relationship, since she has graduated from college and moved to a different city for work, while I was either in the military or hanging out with Minnow. It must have been a very difficult few years for her.

I forgot where I heard it from, but I remember learning that she ended up in a nearby big city for her advanced study in the same country where I was pursuing my graduate degree. There was no conceivable way for me to contact her, and I did not contact her. I’m sure, with Child’s personality and ability, that she will be whoever she wanted to be, with or without me.

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