What Does it Feel like Cleaning out your Emotional Closet?

A KTHT Prompt

Cleaning out my emotional closet sounds like a full-time job. I already have one of those, so finding the time for another is pretty much impossible. On the other hand, I think cleaning out that closet could be the most relieving, yet heartbreaking thing I could do.

Upon opening the closet, we would start with the top layer and just rip off that Band-Aid. This is the coverup, the spot that hurts the least. I’m an introvert, so this would be the layer hiding all that is within me. It is a mask of sorts, hiding all of the grief, loneliness, anger, and depression.

I hold everything in so that no one sees how much I’m hurting. It’s not healthy, and I know that. It gets to the point where I can’t handle it anymore and everything comes flooding out. It’s my cross to bear. Over time, things have gotten worse, and I don’t communicate very well. When people ask how I am, my immediate answer is “I’m ok”. We ALL know this is a standard answer that people with mental illness use so that people leave them alone.

So many people use the line, “It’s ok to not be ok” which drives me crazy. Yes, it’s ok, but in some situations that’s not good enough. People expect you to go to one therapy session and be fixed. It doesn't work that way. Sorry, I’m running off topic, but I like writing in a stream of consciousness.

There is a lot of baggage to unpack in my emotional closet. Many things I still have not come to terms with in my 44 years of life. Am I still unhappy that my ex-fiancée cheated on me and then broke up with me? Yes, even 20-something years later, it annoys me. Therapy got me through that period and made me realize it wasn’t my fault. I also dealt with a lot of anger issues in therapy after that whole episode. I hated everyone and everything. A series of bad relationships will drive a person to fold within themselves and not want to be in a relationship anymore.

More recently, I was dating someone for 6 months and thought our relationship was in a good place. My grandfather passed away, two weeks after that was my birthday, and a week later said girlfriend ghosted me. She was absent for the whole grieving process, including the wake and funeral. I have nothing bad to say about her. I…

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