Spookier Cryptids For 2021

While you survived a year a most foul, even more scares are on the prowl.

Thunder crash and lightning bolt!
You’ve opened an atlas of the occult.
While you survived a year a most foul
Even more scares are on the prowl.

Though the future cannot be predicted
Keep an eye out for these new cryptids.
Bid adieu to the Yeti, Mothman, or Sasquatch
For these scarier creatures, it’s wise to keep watch!

Category: Wandering spirit
Last Spotted: Bread baking forum
Ability: Making the most of it!

This first lost soul may fill you with sadness;
She’s got what ghost-experts call “The March Madness.”
Don’t listen too long, or you’ll leave brokenhearted;
She’s stuck in that time when the pandemic just started.

Her story is tragic. O! Hear how she speaks!
“I love Tiger King! This’ll be done in two weeks.
I’ll take time for myself! Maybe read some Capote?
Here’s an idea! Let’s party remotely!”

She’ll make jokes about Zoom, She’ll call it “Miss Rona”
“I just heard of whipped coffee, they call it Dalgona.
We’ll just wait it out, so we don’t get bronchitis.”
How sad, she still thinks this disease will unite us.

Category: Independent
First Spotted: Caucusing for Bloomberg
Power: Only speaks in puzzling contradictions

In the Desert Sahara, red hot and infernal,
You can find her there or in the Wall Street Journal.
“Hark!” The sphinx will call out with glee,
“My dream ticket is Ted Cruz/AOC.”

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